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The Colbert Report/Episode/569
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * feels right at home he has identified with strong military from an early age * as a child he ate Cap'n Crunch ** as an adult Admiral Crunch *** pours rum over it for a more mature taste * is there more to Iraq than sand, air, air-sand * Better Know A Cradle Of Civilization * garden of eden between Tigris and Euphrates * Ancient King hamurabi ** codex oldest written laws of mankind * in 650 Arab tribes introduced Islam * blah, blah, blah ... in 1979 Saddam Hussein rose to power ** proved to be a meglomaniac * he also hosted The Apprentice * sent to live on a farm upstate * chickpeas Deputy Prime Minster of Iraq, Barham Saleh * he is the Joe Biden of Iraq * works to bring democracy to Iraq ** after years under a brutal dictatorship * says Iraqis have work to do to rebuild their country * he is a Kurd * Iraq is kind of like Texas * has a PhD in Oceanography, which he might not have a chance to use ** statistics Colbert Report Baghdad Shout-Out * Joe Biden asks the troops not to give Stephen a sidearm USO Care Packages With Tom Hanks * Private Colbert put together packages with Supreme Allied Nice Guy Tom Hanks ** fake World War II and fake Vietnam War vet * Stephen has tremendous imaginary respect for him ** Mr. Hanks can pretend to appreciate it * Items to include in a care package: ** shaving cream or gel ** Tang *** Fun Fact #1: Iraq may be made up of rusty tang *** Fun Fact #2: Dr. Colbert's porn name was, for a while, "Rusty Tang" ** trail mix *** is a metaphor for Iraq, with the nuts and raisin are like the Sunnis and Shiites (they're different, but they can get along) with the troops adding sweetness and peace as MnMs **** The little fruits go to Dubai on the weekend * alcohol is not allowed in Iraq, so Stephen and Tom enjoyed one for them * The two decided that it would be a great idea to send two things that everyone loves: ** ice cream ** puppies * They soon discover that they can't send theme together because the puppies keep trying to eat the ice cream ** they tried to train the puppy not to eat the ice cream, but the training didn't take * instead they decide to send an ice sculpture of a puppy eating ice cream ** which was neutered * alas, it was too big to fit in the box, so they decided to chip it into little pieces to ship over as a puzzle to be put back together * a discussion over who was the nicest guy in Hollywood ensued ending with Stephen in a crate with a puppy * Visit USO.org to sponsor a USO care package Colbert Report Baghdad Shout-Out * Sarah Palin asks the troops to look out for her son, Track ** he will be the only soldier on a snowmobile Interview * Lieutenant General Charles Jacoby ** if he nails him, he nails * works under Odierno ** won't say he does the real work * he gets to spend his days with the troops * Odierno works at the strategic level * of the 130,000 soldiers his favorite sits in the front seat * it's still dangerous, but they're hopeful * what kind of trust exercises with the Iraqis? * what lessons learned might not translate to war in Afghanistan * Afghanistan is different ** not near Paraguay * what lessons learned might not translate to war in Iran * he thanked Stephen for declaring victory ** he agrees with General Odierno * how will we know when we've won Epilogue * Private Colbert said good night from the audience as a soldier rubbed his shaved head Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File:TomHanks6-10-2009.jpg File:THanksShaveColbert.jpg File:SColbertTHanksBeer.jpg File:SColbertTHanksRecordMsg.jpg File:SColbertTHanksTeachPuppy.jpg File:SColbertTHanksBadHost.jpg File:SColbertTHanks6-11-2009.jpg File:AlwaysSpayNeuter.jpg File:SColbertTHanksMakePuzzle.jpg File:SColbertTHanksNicestGuy.jpg File:SColbertStumblesCrate.jpg File:SColbertTHanksCrate.jpg File:THanksIraqStickerCrate.jpg File:SColbertInsideCrate.jpg File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments